Do you like me? Check yes or no.

by George

Editor:
This piece was originally written for another project long ago and has been resurrected from the archives. So, if you notice that the style and tone are different that’s because they were written by different people at different times. But… The topics are still just as relevent today as they were then! Enjoy!

If you want to know whether or not someone is interested in you, just take off your pants.  If you still aren’t sure, have them take off their pants.  Still confused?  You’re probably dating.

They say the thrill of the chase if the best part.  If that’s the truth, then I can tell you the worst. 

On a recent “Waffles and Wi-Fi” visit with L, we discussed how to know if someone is flirting with you or not.  Personally, I can be pretty oblivious to it.  I flirt almost more than I breathe, so that just makes the whole thing worse.  Our conversation had excellent timing, as he had also sent me an article on “hookup culture” not long before that.  While the article centers on 20-somethings, it hits home on a number of levels.  It’s all a ball of wax where I’m often left wondering if a possible dalliance is all in my head.  Add to that a stereotyped illusion that NoMo status makes me part of the hookup culture, and I’m left with a feeling of “QUOI?” on a weekly basis. 

Someone tells me they want to be my friend, but what they really mean is that they want to “be my friend” in bed.  I know this for sure, because all the questions they ask when they’re supposedly getting to know me have to do with my NoMo sex life.  Here we are, presented with a situation where a bit of innuendo and winking can go a long way, but they choose to head right for the crotch.  Is it my magical lady parts?  That certainly takes the fun out of flirting for me.  The flirt is fun, it’s easy, and it’s completely natural.  Moving on from it requires an actual statement that makes most of us pee our pants in fear. 

So let’s say that you get past the tiptoes and giggles of a flirtation.  We’ll throw in the regular types of The Woo Dance that don’t include words like position and threesome.  You finally get together, but even putting in all that (virtual or real life) batting of the eyelashes doesn’t help.  Things don’t get any clearer these days just because you’ve actually had a date with someone.  No matter how well that first meeting went, you’re inevitably left with a conversation that goes a little like this:

Thing One:  So, ummm, I had a good time.  Yeah?
Thing Two:  Oh, right, yeah.  So did I, like, I mean, me too. 
Thing One:  Okay then…
Thing Two:  Ummm…

And then comes the phrase that really chaps: “Maybe we should hang out sometime.”

You’re nodding your head in agreement right now, aren’t you?  Are you also making a guttural noise to show your mutual disgust with it?  Have you waved your arms around in a rage and thrown anything across the room yet?  I have.  HANG OUT SOMETIME?  What the hell does that mean?!?  Stop me before I rip your face off for saying that!  Just grow a pair and say something definite!  Furthermore, I’m not sure quite when people decided that ambiguity should replace romance, but I was not involved in that meeting.  I would’ve stuck my little paw up in the air, jumped on the conference table like a Chihuahua foaming at the mouth, and screamed a resounding NO to that proposal.

Would it be okay to just ask me out again?  Hell yes, you dolt.  If I like you, my head will be nodding before you even finish the question.  Would it be okay for me to ask you out again?  Of course, and I will.  When you respond, it had better be with one of two words: yes or no.  Those are your choices, got it?  I don’t need to hear a bunch of crap about your schedule or have you fill in the blanks with a lot of qualifying phrases used in politically correct conversations such as:

In my opinion, it could be that…

There’s a possibility that we could…

The thing about it is…

Well, I’m not sure because…

I’ll get back to you when…

I feel like maybe…

(Note to you passive types – that last one will send me into another Chihuahua rage for sure.)

Yes.  No.  Is that so hard?  If you aren’t interested, politely decline and give me that line about being friends.  If you’re into it, just agree to another outing and we’ll work out the rest from there.  I’ll only chase you so much before I get bored and decide you’re too much work for me. 

Yes.  I like you.  Now let me go change my pants.

11 September 2014 

Full link to the article, just FYI in case my formatting didn’t work….

http://elitedaily.com/dating/hookup-culture-non-relationship-generation-getting-nowhere/664654/

Resources